Voices of Youth

 

By Kaitlyn Blair, President,YNOT Innisfil

A message from your teenager…

You don’t understand me.  You think that you know what’s in my head because you’ve “been me and survived”.  But you can’t because you aren’t me today and you really weren’t me even when you were my age.  Teenagers today aren’t the same people you were back then.  The world has changed.  So when you look at me and decide what my “problem” is, you don’t see me, you see yourself – a teenager, yes, but with a very different life.

Just like you did when you were my age, I look at you when you’re mad at me and say, “You just don’t understand me!”  Don’t deny it – I know you did the same and you were right.  The world changed from when the adults in your life were teenagers just as it has since you were. 

When I was a child, you protected me from everything – from scraped knees to nightmares – you were there to fix my life!  So were your parents, right?  Actually, most of your parents really were – you often can’t be because in our world two working parents is normal.  Remember the kids you grew up with whose mother worked?  They were the unusual ones, right?  How about the one who lived in a single parent home?  Welcome to my world – a place where kids are expected to learn faster than the speed of light, single parent families and multiple marriages is normal and we are expected to take care of ourselves because you can’t be there. 

I’ve already learned things that you were taught in university by the time I’m in high school.  I have been taking care of things in my life that your parents did for you because it’s necessary.  Sounds like I’m angry?  I’m not.  I’m just not ready to do what everyone expects of me. 

Have you ever been on a harassment committee at school?  I doubt it.  I’ll bet your parents had a chat with the principal or the parents of the school bully who made you cry in the playground.  Were you ever sexually harassed at school?  Probably not.  Maybe you had fights but did the bullies carry knives or guns?

And what about drugs?  I’ll bet you knew at least one person who drank or even tried pot, right?  But were there drugs that can literally kill you in a single dose?  And then, of course, there’s sex.  You had to worry about pregnancy and VD. We worry about AIDS, a STD that can kill us.  These are just a few of the things that I face in my life every day.

I don’t blame you for my life.  I don’t lash out at you because you’ve done anything wrong.  I lash out because I’m afraid for myself, my friends and for you.

There are great things in my life, but my world isn’t a nice place and it’s not because you don’t give me enough.  It’s because there is also terror, fear and death.  I am afraid.  When you see teenagers doing things like drinking and doing drugs with their friends, it’s because they’re trying to escape their fears – just like you.  When you see them being destructive, it’s because they’re angry – just like you.

What?  You never did those things?  You never rebelled against your parents’ values or felt afraid of what the future might hold?  You never felt overwhelmed by the amount of information being crammed into your already overflowing brain?  Wow, you’re lucky!  We see your fears for yourselves and for us and we see how you cope with them.  With more experience, we’ll be able to cope better, just like you. 

Our generation is better than yours was because you have worked hard to make it that way.  Yours is better than your parents’.  We’ll give more to our children than you gave us, we hope.  The question is, when is enough, enough?  When will we have given our children enough?  When will a generation know enough? 

My world continues to change every day, so the next time you look at me, try to remember what I’ve shared with you.  Try not to condemn me.  I will grow up to be successful and normal someday, but right now I’m still a kid.  You teach me things at 14 that you learned at 24 and I may even learn them, but I’m still just a kid.  Pretty soon kindergarten is going to look like our high school graduation!

Hmmm, maybe I was wrong?  Maybe I really am the same as you were back then.  Maybe I handle my fears the same way you did.  But just like everything else in this changed world, they’re bigger, scarier and stronger than when you faced them. 

I don’t need you tell me what a horrible human being I am.  Look into my eyes - I already know.  I need your love, support, compassion and understanding.  And I need you.  Whenever you can find a little time, I need you in my life.  You provide me with what I need to get through my days even if I never tell you.

Here’s an idea.  Be patient.  Don’t judge me too harshly while I try to grow up and when I’m done I will be the amazing adult who earns your respect.

Until next time, don’t just sit there … do something about it!

(Originally published by the Innisfil Enterprise - October, 2005)